I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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