I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
