Do you still have your period?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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