I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
