If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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