I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
