come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
two words: eviction party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
