you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
