So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
