I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
