we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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