Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
