Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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