what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
