Screwed.edu
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
