i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
