It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
