Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
