I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
