my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
