Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
