Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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