My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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