The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
