So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
