I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
