Will you blow on my dice?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
