i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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