I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
