True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
there is glitter all over my balls
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
