I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
