yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
