After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
