We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
