If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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