What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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