I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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