you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
