Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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