explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
