honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
