He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
