You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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