Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
