Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
