Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
