My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
