I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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