Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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