I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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