I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
