I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
